


Some kind of light into your darkness

by superviolentfantasy



Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Accidental Drowning, Adolescence, F/M, First Kiss, minor max/mike in the background, swimming lessons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:15:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27621913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/superviolentfantasy/pseuds/superviolentfantasy
Summary: " Ughh, geez I wish Billy didn't work here. Then I'd probably come here more often." Her friend grumbles peering up at the young man sitting in the high chair as the lifeguard on duty." Who's Billy?" El asks, a confused look overtaking her features." Oh I guess you've never met him," Max sighs, and rolls her eyes." Be grateful. He's my step-brother, but he's a jerk."She looks up ahead where Max is gesturing. The sun is blinding in her face, but she’s able to make out the smallest glimpse of sunglasses creating an extra barrier between his eyes making it hard for her to read him.He does seem kind of intense, she thinks as he continues to look directly ahead extremely focused. It's impossible to make out the face he's making with his eyes hidden from view. He's high above, busy watching everyone else, but he doesn't seem to notice her watching him.
Relationships: Eleven | Jane Hopper/Billy Hargrove
Comments: 12
Kudos: 15





	Some kind of light into your darkness

**Author's Note:**

> I don't really know what this is. Just something else to write of these two while I try to get the next chapter of my much longer fic out.
> 
> Also kindly please don't give me shit about the " underage kissing" and all. Billy just gave her CPR, it's not like he made out with her or whatever
> 
> All hate comments will be deleted.
> 
> Anyways hope you like :)

It is a strange thing that life almost feels more familiar when El was just a lost tortured girl hidden away from the outside world. Once you've had a taste of darkness there is a part of it that stays with you forever. Not that she would ever want her old life back but change is still a difficult thing she's trying to overcome.

Even after time has passed since sending the mind flayer back into the void it's still in the back of her mind as if always anticipating it.

Lost in her thoughts she blinks registering Dustin calling out to her. They're all gathered in Will's basement having another one of their D&D campaigns. She's watched them play many times, but never really knows what's going on just content to be near Mike and everyone else.

" El? Hey, El. Wanna give it a shot?"

She shakes her head.

" No play. Just watch."

" So..you guys think about what we wanna do this summer yet?" Mike asks.

Lucas just shrugs, and Dustin's eyes light up just then.

" You guys have to come check out the new Hubble telescope Mr. Clarke let me borrow. It has 300x magnification! You can see the stars on a clear night. Even the milky way!"

Dustin goes on, rambling on about a lot of science stuff that no one seems to understand or care about.

" Yeah, I'm pretty sure you're the only one who's gonna be missing school." Mike rolls his eyes.

" I think it sounds pretty cool." Max suddenly speaks up.

Mike turns to her, giving her a pointed look but says nothing.

" What?"

" Well I dunno about you but for once it'd be nice to not have anything weird happen. I just want to have a nice summer. No aliens, no crazy lab experiments.."

Lucas catches El's gaze realizing he misspoke.

" Sorry El, no offense."

El doesn't take it too personally. If anything she can't help but see his point. After the threat of the mind flayer taking over Hawkins and Will recovering after being under its control it would be nice to have some sense of normalcy for once.

El quietly observes the emotions flitting back and forth on her face, as if waging a battle inside her head as she watches Mike set up the pieces.

" Hey. You're always the bard. Why can't I be for a change?"

His eyes flick up towards her, starting to get increasingly more agitated now.

" Just because I'm a girl?" She raises a brow, her tone, dry and sarcastic.

" Yeah because you're a girl," He replies flatly.

" Plus I'm always the bard. Those are the rules. "

" You can be the Madge"

" Well rules can be broken." She shoots back, jaw tightening when the corners of his mouth twitch into a smirk.

" Guys!" Will pipes up fed up by their constant bickering.

Max may have joined their group but for some reason her and Mike just never seem to get along. They have this weird tension between them, always getting in each other's faces finding something they don't like about the other.

" It doesn't matter who's who. Just shut up and play the game already."

The two, unable to let the matter go, decide to play rock paper scissors to make the final call. Max closes her hand over Mike's fist landing on rock. She laughs at his shocked expression and lightly punches his shoulder. El thinks she sees his face turn red a little.

" Hey, why don't we go swimming tomorrow since school's finally out?" Max suggests in the middle of the game.

" But..I can't swim." She mumbles, starting to feel insecure with everyone's eyes on her.

There's a lot of things she still can't do yet. She's still just learning how to be normal. It constantly feels like she's an outsider catching up with everyone else.

" That's okay. I can teach you." Max just smiles reassuringly.

Mike reads the weary look written on her face speaking up for her.

" El doesn't have good experience with water. Don't go forcing her to do something she isn't comfortable with!"

The redhead simply ignores him going on to persuade her even more.

" Chill out Byers. Everyone should learn how to swim at some point. Once you get the hang of it it's not that bad."

" You don't understand!"

Her friend may have good intentions but she's completely unaware her fear of the water is much more complicated than it seems. How it stems from her time back at the lab.

Still Max can be very persuasive.

" C'mon El, it'll be fun I promise. You won't have to worry while I'm with you."

El just continues to stare at her not entirely convinced. Still, It's hard not to be a little swayed by Max's enthusiasm. She really does enjoy spending time with her and doesn't want to disappoint her.

" Okay. I'll try." She finally says, breathing out a silent sigh.

**

She's a mix of worry and excitement when she wakes up having barely slept.

It's her first official summer break but it doesn’t feel any different, probably because she's homeschooled while all her other friends go to school.

She practically inhales the pancakes Hopper makes her that morning and goes to their meeting spot outside the mall.

El arrives only to see just Max practicing flips on her skateboard. She messes up and trips almost falling over before El stretches out her hand causing her body to freeze mid-air before she has a chance to hit the ground.

" Whoa! Thanks." Her friend looks over at her stunned as she quickly regains her balance.

" I don't think I'll ever get used to that."

A slow smile spreads across El's face feeling a surge of pride well up in her. By now everyone is used to her powers, but Max still looks at her with a sense of awe as if she still can't believe it every time. Looking back, it was stupid jealousy that automatically made her determine her as an enemy.

She's truly glad she's gotten to know her better over time. Despite how normal she is compared to her Max is pretty cool. She's envious of her beautiful red hair that falls past her shoulders in untamed curls. Her vibrant energy that always fills up the space she's occupying.

She can beat every game at the arcade, perform cool tricks on her skateboard and is never afraid to speak her mind. She's completely fearless. There's nothing she thinks she can't do.

" I guess they're all sleeping in still."

They both stand there awkwardly for a moment, as if unsure what to do next.

Max lets out a laugh that El mimics.

" Sucks for them I guess. C'mon we don't need to wait for them."

" Yeah. Sucks."

**

By the time they arrive at the public pool it's already crowded, packed with kids and adults enjoying the warm weather and time off from work and school. Right away, El's senses kick into overload. Noise. There's too much of it, too many people. It’s almost too much for her to process all at once.

" Hey..You okay?" Max touches her shoulder when she sees the nervous expression she's making, a look of concern crossing her features.

" It's loud," She states, her face screwed tightly together suddenly feeling anxious. El still isn't used to crowds, being around a lot of people like she's anticipating something bad to happen at any given moment

" Yeah. I guess it can be pretty overwhelming if you aren't used to it."

El lets her lead her as she follows her around. In the back of her mind she's beginning to regret this was a good idea.

She's wearing a one-piece but it still feels like she's showing too much skin. Her bare shoulders stick out, her limbs feel too long and gangly compared with her almost childish flat chest. She wants to feel more confident, more mature. Not like a little girl anymore.

Instead she just feels awkward.

" Ughh, geez I wish Billy didn't work here. Then I'd probably come here more often." Her friend grumbles peering up at the young man sitting in the high chair as the lifeguard on duty.

" Who's Billy?" El asks, a confused look overtaking her features.

" Oh I guess you've never met him," Max sighs, and rolls her eyes.

" Be grateful. He's my step-brother, but he's a jerk."

She looks up ahead where Max is gesturing. The sun is blinding in her face, but she’s able to make out the smallest glimpse of sunglasses creating an extra barrier between his eyes making it hard for her to read him.

He does seem kind of intense, she thinks as he continues to look directly ahead extremely focused. It's impossible to make out the face he's making with his eyes hidden from view. He's high above, busy watching everyone else, but he doesn't seem to notice her watching him.

Eventually, she forgets Billy and begins to feel more at ease when she’s too busy having fun with Max.

They pass by a group of girls tanning on the edge of the pool. Max mentions them being what she refers to as 'the popular chicks' at her school. According to her, they're a bunch of snobby, entitled brats who always dress in fancy clothes and think they're better than everyone else.

She knows better that she shouldn't be using her powers in public, but that doesn't stop her from indulging her friend anyway. El subtly tilts her head to the side watching them flail helpless with shock falling into the pool. The expressions on their faces are definitely worth it.

They both can't stop laughing and grab each other's hands playfully pushing past the crowd.

Eventually Jane forgets how uncomfortable she was before.

**

El was really hoping to avoid the pool as much as possible but somehow Max manages to convince her to go into the shallow end with her.

She slowly eases her feet in, still unsure, her stomach a tight knot of worry.

" See? Not so scary now is it?" Her friend says leading her further in.

El looks at her uncertainly, like there's something she wishes she could say to talk herself out of this but it looks like there's no going back now.

" It's.. okay I guess."

" But not as bad, right?" Max smiles, searching her face hopefully.

Once they find a place that Max seems to seem acceptable she turns to her growing more and more anxious.

" Okay, so before I actually teach you how to swim you should probably learn how to float first," She tells her, noticing her face pinched with worry.

" Don't worry, that's the easiest part."

El inhales deeply and eventually albeit a bit hesitantly, following her instructions as she has her crouch down in front of her, taking her feet off the bottom until she's lying flat on her back. It's a bit of an awkward position, still feeling unsteady while she holds onto her friend's hands supporting her the entire time.

" Okay, that's good, but you're still as stiff as a board. You have to loosen up."

She tells her. Her shoulders are still tense no matter how much he tries to relax.

" Just try not to think. Imagine you're floating on a cloud. Let the water carry you."

Clearing her thoughts seems almost impossible as she tries to remain motionless, but eventually she shuts her eyes telling herself to be brave.

Her mind gets the better of her and wanders, thinking of the upside-down back at the lab. The tank closing in around her shutting her out from everything else. The water filling up her lungs while her pleas and screams to set her free seem to have no effect on Dr. Brenner and the other scientists calmly observing her.

_Why didn't no one come get her?_

_Why was she meant to suffer for so long?_

She panics, her arms flailing and snaps her head up, eyes darting wildly all around her.

" Hey, hey it's okay. You're safe." Max's voice brings her back to the present, her heart beating frantically as she tries to regain herself.

" Max," She looks up at her, voice high and trembling, "I don't know if I can do it.."

" El, look at me," Her mind went racing as she attempted to soothe her, " You're the strongest person I've ever met. You have super powers for crying out loud. Trust me, you can do this."

" Listen, just picture somewhere calm. Somewhere that makes you feel safe. It can be anywhere. Try to imagine it and focus on that."

" Don't worry, you got this."

The determined look in her eyes eventually wills her enough to trust her and shuts her eyes, until she is no longer thinking about her long hidden fear of the water. She pictures being with her friends, having somewhere she felt she belonged, Hopper's warm embrace, reuniting with her mom..

Finally she shuts her eyes until she is no longer thinking about her long hidden fear of the water.

She can slowly feel herself become less self aware, coaxed into a state of numbness that has her soften her limbs, a sense of calm washing over her letting her body come to the surface in its own.

El's eyes open slowly when she realizes Max's hands are no longer beneath her.

Her arms flail, flinging water and her eyes search frantically for her friend who's standing a few feet from her, arms crossed with a satisfied smirk on her face.

" Max!" She shoots her a look.

" You did it!" El blinks, confused.

" Did what?" "

You did it.You floated all by yourself."

El looks down at the water around her and then back towards Max.

" I..I did?" Her face visibly softens, breaking into a smile.

" Yes. You did it. See? I knew you could."

El starts to smile a bit herself now letting her arms fall casually to her sides. She closes her eyes again feeling much more relaxed now. She feels weightless, like she can do anything. Max takes a step forward just then as her butt begins to sink and loses balance dipping her head below the surface.

Max lets out a laugh as she comes up sputtering.

" Well it'll probably take some getting used to. But you'll get the hang of it."

**

They decide to stop after a while as the heat starts to reach its peak when Max asks if she wants ice cream.

" What kind do you like?" She asks.

" Chocolate."

" Hey, that's my favorite too," She grins, " I'll grab us both a cone. I'll be right back, okay?"

" Okay." She nods, and watches her friend make her way through the crowd to get to the vendor until she can no longer see her.

She’s sitting on the edge of the pool, casually dangling out her feet kicking at the water. It feels nice and cool on her skin, like skim milk on a hot summer's day.

The water ripples and the air falls eerily thick and silent. Time seems to stand still finding herself completely absorbed in her own thoughts. In the moment, she suddenly feels completely detached from everything.

Everything seems to else fade away.

A low murmur echoes, a lull in the air. She feels some phantom force calling out to her, coaxing her to dip her legs lower into the pool until she allows herself to fall right in. S

She forgets that she doesn't know how to swim. But it doesn't matter. Something else just seems to overtake her.

Once she's fully beneath the surface it feels like she left her body, or her body left her.

She remembers being in the tank back at the lab. How the chlorinated water filled up around her making her feel like a lure, bait. That empty dark void that seemed to swallow her up, slipping her into the upside down whenever they trapped her with the demogorgan.

Only she doesn't feel trapped this time. She feels fearless. Even as she is dragged further into the dark abyss.

The last thing she sees is the distant shape of something or someone coming closer to her. Everything fades to black as she loses consciousness.

**

El can feel the sun beating down on her face but can't stop her body from shivering. It feels like a dark fog is rolling over her. She’s drifting in and out. Like she’s standing on the edge and could fall in at any given moment.

Consciousness floods her senses and she inhales sharply, turning over on her side gasping and coughing sputtering out pool water. Light blinds her vision and she hears a voice calling out as if trying to reach her but it sounds so far away. Everything is fuzzy and scattered, like the world is moving in slow motion.

Her eyes blink lazily, light then dark, light then dark, then everything slowly starts to shift into focus.

She's startled by the boy hovering barely inches from her. The first thing she notices are his eyes. They're so blue, standing out against his tannish skin. His dark blonde hair almost looks gold in the sunlight falling in untidy waves around his face. He's pretty. Pretty for a boy she thinks. Like those male models she sees in her teen magazines who almost look too perfect to be real.

El releases another breath, feeling her cheeks burn, but not from the heat.

He lightly taps her face but the expression he's making looks less than sympathetic.

The sudden movement and physical contact makes electricity shoot through her skin and she jerks back as if he'd burned her.

She watches his face scrunch together, his eyes are mean and hard not understanding why.

" Welcome back to the world of the living, idiot. Thanks for taking your time."

He suddenly moves and grabs her by the arm forcing her to stand up now. She suddenly feels confronted, the sudden aggression taking her aback but keeps her gaze trained on him the entire time.

The boy is tall, broad-shouldered and towers over her easily. His eyes bore into hers swirling with so much pent up frustration finally voicing the thoughts that seem to be chewing on his mind. El just continues to stare at him stunned and slightly scared, his emotions written all over him.

" What the hell is wrong with you?! If you can't swim why'd you decide it'd be a smart move to go under, huh?!"

His tone is so dark, blaming and intimidating to anyone who can overhear him.

He's so intense, the anger rolling off of him in waves. His whole body looks like a taught spring, ready to snap at any given moment.

"I-I.." She blinks owlishly, frozen in shock. His voice is like a slap in the face looking at her impatiently waiting for some kind of response.

Just then, Max rushes over to her side.

" Billy! What're you doing with El?' 

" Oh so this is another one of your stupid friends? Why am I not surprised?"

His tone is dry and sarcastic, his grip only tightening keeping her in place when her friend comes between them now. Max is usually pretty outspoken, but even she notices the way she tenses up when she comes face to face with her step-brother.

" Shut up! El isn't stupid!" She snaps.

" El?" He squints, " What kind of name is El?"

El frowns, jaw clenched. She stares at Billy with blazing eyes that would probably be frightening if he knew what she was capable of. There's a catch in his voice that doesn't settle well with her. Like there's something wrong with it.

Like there's something wrong with her.

There is something very tight and heavy building inside her chest now. She doesn't have a name for it.

" Mine." She bites out, meeting his oppressive stare as if she is guarding something precious. Her eyes flash and Billy regards her half curious, locking his full attention now.

It must be the way she doesn't automatically shrink away that comes off as a threat to his ego. El is not a pushover by any means and is used to standing up against evil scientists, terrifying creatures from alternate dimensions, the stuff of nightmares. Things that were a lot worse than an older boy with a mean streak and a chip on his shoulder.

After a few moments he just regards her skeptically like he doesn't actually care.

" Look why are you bothering her anyway? Max questions him again, " Don't you have a job or something?"

Billy just stares at his step-sister, frown deepening.

" I'll tell you what happened. This idiot decided it'd be a great idea to go jumping off in the deep end even though she can't seem to swim for shit."

El's eyes widen dramatically feeling the color drain from her face. She doesn't remember going into the pool. She doesn't remember anything.

Max pauses, giving El a strange look.

" Look, just leave her alone," Max cuts in," She already said she's sorry. She won't do it again."

" Really?" He scoffs and turns to face her.

Billy's eyes slide slowly to meet hers, looking at her, hard and assessing.

" Is that right, El? Did you learn your lesson?" His lip curls up, a harsh smirk slashed across his mouth almost sneering.

They both exchange a look, him putting her on the spot like he's obviously trying to make the situation more uncomfortable than it already is. El doesn't know anything about Billy, but she can tell right away by his mannerisms and the way he handles her so aggressively that he's a bit of a bully and is used to intimidating people.

 _Mouth breather_ , her inner voice echoes in her head.

" I'm sorry," She watches him warily, while he continues to stare back at her like he’s waiting for some kind of reaction. For her to flinch. Like this is some kind of sporting match and there's a prize at the end.

There's an ugly pause and Billy gives her a cold, heavy look. His hand is still firmly pressed against her wrist.

Suddenly images flash in her mind. It had almost felt like a very vivid dream with intensified emotions and sensations.

Everything is still a blur but she remembers blue eyes.

Like the ocean.

She remembers standing around a family. There was fighting and a tall, mean looking man shouting at a woman, a small boy clinging to her looking terrified. The woman was pointing a knife at him and there were tears in her eyes.

The knife dropped in her shaking hands and the man moved forward hitting his fist against the side of the woman's face. Her head collided into the wall and was thrown back left bleeding out, her eyes rolling back unmoving as a corpse.

Just then, the boy started crying and leapt in front of the scary man punching him trying to push him away.

Had he been the boy in her vision? El studies Billy watching him carefully with new interest If so, all the softness that had once been behind that innocent face had faded away over time. Billy did not look kind or sweet.

He looked mean.

El was desperately trying to connect the dots, trying to find the bigger picture here. What did this all mean?

" Tch, Fine. Whatever," He finally decides to release her arm, his skin still burning on hers. He makes a disgruntled sound as he turns to leave.

“ Just don't let it happen again. I don't have time to deal with you two pipsqueaks anyway. Get lost."

" God. What an asshole." Max mutters once her brother is out of earshot.

" Sorry about that," She pulls her aside, still rattled and disoriented from everything. El looks down, studying the bend of her wrist where Billy's rough calloused fingers pushed beneath her skin.

His hand had left an imprint on her wet skin.

" Hey. Are you okay?" Max asks when she doesn't respond at first, too lost in her thoughts.

She remembers the warmth of someone's breath. Air rushing to her lungs. Blue eyes shining down on her as an unforgiving ray of sunlight slanted harshly across her vision.

" Did..Billy kiss me?" She blurts out. A blush creeping up her cheeks, the sudden realization finally hitting her.

Max quirks a brow at her.

" When he got to you, you weren’t breathing,” She explains. “ He had to give you mouth to mouth. It’s CPR, it’s part of his job.”

El looks at her like she still doesn't understand. It wasn't an actual kiss but it still didn't feel fair. She only ever meant to kiss one boy, that being Mike.

Despite his cold and cruel demeanor, Billy's mouth was warm and dry. The amount of physical touch was overwhelming, like a punch in the gut, and yet it caused strange new emotions to rise up in her that made her heart skip a beat.

“ Just..pretend a dog licked you or something."

Max says trying to reassure her when she sees her expression tense.

El touches her lips and turns to look back at Billy who's back at his post now like nothing had ever happened. Had she somehow absorbed Billy's memories when their lips touched?

It's strange, this strong connection she suddenly feels with Billy. Like meeting another lost soul. Similar to her experience with Kali. Only it doesn't make her feel special. Rather it makes a deep hollowness settle inside her.

It was dark inside Billy. A darkness that El knew all too well.

She knew what it was like to be helpless, a sacrificial lamb to be used and used again at her own expense.

Underneath his rough exterior El finally saw Billy for who he really was.

A fragile, unstable boy.

Flashes of violence.

_Abused. Abandoned. Neglected._

_Forgotten._

His own memories supplied the answer for her, the pieces of his broken life whirling in a ghostly wind like a nightmare kaleidoscope.

There was a prickle of pain in her eyes now, tears glittering in the sunlight like a cold river on a summer afternoon. The image of that young, innocent boy pulled at her making an odd swell of emotion rise up in her. The link between them hadn't dissolved yet. She could still feel him, like the after shakes after an earthquake. The door to Billy's memories was closed firmly now. El was certain now it was never meant to be open to begin with.

She couldn't help but feel a spark of empathy for him thinking of her own broken youth.

While she was still affected by her experience back at the lab, Dr. Brenner didn't have as strong of a hold on her when she was surrounded by people who cared about her.

Of course not everyone was the same. Everyone had their own way of dealing with things.

She became aware that Billy was a victim, a broken kid who became an angry adult. In the circumstances of things it all started to become clear to her now.

 _No_ , _that definitely didn't feel like a dog_ , she thinks, wetting her lips swallowing past the dryness in her throat.


End file.
